Why Your Body Says No When Your Heart Says Yes

Written By Jennifer Robin O'Keefe

Episode 9: Show Notes

Almost half of all children—a full 41%—regularly hear hurtful words like "You'll never amount to anything" from the adults in their lives (Words Matter). This harsh criticism doesn't just sting in the moment; it shapes how they see themselves for decades to come.

If you've ever had that deep, gnawing feeling that you're just not good enough to succeed, you're not alone. This isn't about lacking skills or experiencing imposter syndrome—this runs deeper. It's the voice that can be traced back to childhood, to a parent, teacher, or authority figure who told you, either with words or tone, that you would never do anything right.

Listen to the full episode:

When Your Body Says No

Sometimes the inner critic isn't a voice at all; it's a bodily reaction. Have you ever felt yourself freeze, hesitate, or feel creeping panic around something that could be really good for you? That sweat, that freeze, that urge to back away? Those are signals that your nervous system is detecting risk, even when there isn't any real danger.

I remember getting a phone call that a huge business proposal had been accepted. Instead of excitement, I felt dread, sadness, and a pit in my stomach. The opportunity was incredible, but my body was saying "no" while my mind knew this was a "yes."

Core Beliefs: Your Mental & Emotional Colored Glasses

Childhood verbal criticism doesn't just create doubt, it builds core beliefs in your subconscious. Think of these as mental and emotional colored glasses you look through to interpret the world. Two people can have the same conversation and experience it completely differently based on these invisible filters.

Your trauma can be stored in your body until you deal with it and release it. A woman may have been screamed at or shamed as a child, but the words are now forgotten. Her adult body remembers, though, and the remnants show up as muscle tension, a rapidly beating heart, and subtle avoidance of certain situations.

Recognizing Signs of Your Inner Critic

Here are some signs you may be dealing with an inner critic or unhelpful core beliefs:

  • Feeling sudden dread or panic about a good opportunity instead of excitement

  • Feeling frozen when trying to imagine next steps for something new and exciting

  • Procrastinating on important tasks for reasons that have nothing to do with time management

  • Experiencing what feels like quiet self-sabotage

Professional Therapy Options for Deep Healing

If you're looking for professional help, here are some specialized therapy approaches:

Schema Therapy combines cognitive behavioral therapy, attachment therapy, and emotion-focused therapy. It focuses on life traps and patterns formed in childhood, working to build a "healthy adult" mode that can meet needs that weren't met when you were a child.

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) helps people with dominating feelings of shame and self-criticism. It uses practices to activate the brain's soothing system and teaches self-compassion as a skill.

Somatic Techniques involve getting in tune with your body through grounding, breathwork, and body scans to calm physiological reactions. Sometimes your nervous system needs to be regulated before your mind can reframe old beliefs.

Other Self-Help Options

If you’re recognizing signs of the inner critic or core beliefs holding you back, don’t forget that there are ways you can help yourself, too.  EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) may be helpful as you work through these issues, either on your own or with a certified practitioner, like me. 

I talked about EFT Tapping in episode 3 and episode 5, and you can get my fully illustrated EFT Tapping Quickstart Guide to learn how to use this simple tool by yourself, in the comfort of your home.  Some of the exercises we’re going to talk through today use similar questions to what I might ask you if we were tapping together.

Self-Help Strategies You Can Try Today

Recognize The Block

Think of a good opportunity you have right now or recently had and notice your body’s response. When youI think about taking this step, what’s the very first feeling or image that comes up? Does part of your body tense up? Are you holding your breath? How does your body react to thoughts about this new opportunity?

Body Scan

Scan your body from your toes to your head. Notice you every part is feeling right now. Where is there tension? What sensations are you picking up? For now, Just notice. There’s no need to “fix” anything.  Being aware is the first kindness you can show your body. 

Invite the Character

Remember earlier we talked about the movie Inside Out?  Imagine what your feeling might look or sound like if it could talk. Give it a name, maybe “The Guard” or “The Worrier.” Inwardly ask:

  • What are you trying to tell me?

  • What are you afraid of?

  • What are you trying to protect me from?

  • What do you wish I knew?

Send Love to Your Younger Self

What’s the earliest time in your  life you remember feeling something like this? For example, when do you first remember feeling like you had to be “perfect?” If you could speak to your younger self in that moment, what would you want them to know? What would you say to provide comfort? Perhaps something like:

  • You are safe.

  • They were wrong.

  • You are capable.

  • You are enough.

Say it—softly in your mind. If you want to make this even stronger, you can write a physical letter to your younger self. What would you say to encourage them? Writing by hand, in cursive if you can, is very effective for this and activates different parts of the brain than typing. Please do this by hand on actual paper for the best results.

Your Current Self

If this invisible block wasn’t holding you back right now in your current life, what would you be doing? What opportunities would you be excited about? What changes would you be making? 

Reframe Your Future Self

Now imagine it’s a year from now. You’ve walked through this and come out the other side. What would success look like for you  if you trusted yourself fully? What would your life look like? How would it be different? How would  you feel? Hold that image in your mind as fully as you can. Let your body feel that sense of ease.

You're Not Alone in This Struggle

Roughly 85% of adults report low self-esteem at some point in their lives (Orth & Robins, 2014). Even accomplished figures like Vincent Van Gogh, Leonardo da Vinci, and Eleanor Roosevelt struggled with self-doubt.

Van Gogh wrote to his brother: "I am terribly inadequate. It is always my great fear my art will appear so awkward and unfinished that people will take me for a madman." Yet he also wrote: "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced."

Eleanor Roosevelt, despite being orphaned by age 10 and criticized for her appearance, learned to reframe her self-doubt as a call to action. She decided that if she cared deeply about an issue, her fear was less important than the cause.

Moving Forward with Self-Compassion

Your body is wise and sending you signals the only way it knows how. Your job as the adult in control of your life is to listen with compassion and gently give yourself the safety you needed as a younger person.

You don't need to remember the exact words you were told as a child to start healing. You just need to observe and acknowledge the sensations you're feeling in your body, then talk to that younger you with the voice you wish you had heard back then.

As Brené Brown said: "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do."

Yes, it takes time, but any movement forward is still movement. You don't have to stay stuck or feeling blocked from the things you want in life.

Meet Our Host: Jennifer Robin O’Keefe

Jennifer Robin serves as a relatable, down-to-earth, REAL Wellness & Success Coach. She’s not a fancy, perfect makeup, airbrushed kind of woman. She’s been told many times, in a variety of environments, that she’s easy to talk to, and makes others feel welcome and comfortable. Her mission in life is both simple and profound: to make others feel worthy. 

Professionally, Jennifer holds several wellness certifications including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping, Thought Field Therapy (TFT) Tapping, Reiki, and more. She continuously expands her knowledge in the fields of Qi Gong, Xien Gong, Vibration/Energy Wellness and Natural Health. She also studied extensively with Jack Canfield, and serves as a Certified Canfield Trainer, authorized to teach "The Success Principles."

She’s an active reader and researcher who loves to learn, and one of her biggest joys is teaching and sharing what she’s discovered with others.

References

  • Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.

Jennifer Robin O'Keefe
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