Is Your Check Engine Light On? with Laura Jane Layton
Episode #37: Show Notes
If you've ever woken up dreading your day, ignored a persistent headache, or pushed through exhaustion thinking it's just "normal," this conversation with Laura Jane Layton is for you.
Laura Jane spent over 30 years in corporate America before finding herself in a hospital bed after heart surgery. That's when it hit her: she had been ignoring her body's warning signs for years. Today, she dedicates her work to helping other women recognize those signals before they reach a breaking point.
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What Are Our Check Engine Lights?
Laura Jane uses a brilliant metaphor to describe burnout signals: check engine lights. Just like your car tells you when something is wrong, your body and mind send you signals when you're burning out. But we ignore them.
She tells the story of when her son's used car broke down on the road. When she asked him what happened, he explained that the oil light kept coming on, but he just kept driving, and it would go away. She realized then that her son, like so many of us, wasn't paying attention to those warning signals.
"You've got to pay attention to those signals," Laura Jane explained. "They mean you need to do something."
The same applies to our own lives. We wake up in the morning not wanting to get up. We feel a persistent headache. We can't breathe after walking a short distance. These are check engine lights. Yet we dismiss them as normal signs of aging or just part of the job.
What Happens if You Ignore Your Body's Warnings
Laura Jane describes her time in corporate America as her "robot years." She had to turn off all emotion, just push through, what her husband calls "chopping wood and carrying water." It's like you're just getting the money in the house, not actually living.
During those years, she noticed the first check engine lights coming on. She would wake up dreading the day, wanting to sleep for ten more minutes. But instead of paying attention, she pushed through. She ignored it.
"I didn't pay attention to my own check engine lights until I woke up in the hospital after heart surgery," she said. "All these things that had been happening, and I ignored them and pushed through."
This is a common pattern for women in leadership. We're conditioned to push through, to power on, to ignore our physical and emotional needs in service of our careers and our families.
Emergency Self-Care Is Not Real Self-Care
Laura Jane explained that many of us are living on quick “mid-da revs.” We grab a coffee, take a quick walk, or spend fifteen minutes meditating, thinking that will sustain us.
However, "this is not self-care," she emphasized. "This is like stopping at the gas station, putting a dollar in and getting to your destination. You still have to make sure you fill up later."
If we're not actually addressing the deeper burnout and exhaustion, we're just putting a band-aid on a much bigger problem.
Why Corporate Women Need to Pay Attention
The reason Laura Jane got into podcasting was to help people pay attention to those little signals. She wanted to create a space where women in corporate leadership could recognize the warning signs of burnout before it becomes a crisis.
When I asked her what common check engine signals she sees in corporate women, she identified several key areas. The most obvious is the lack of liking your job anymore. You might love the money and the people, but you keep putting yourself on the back burner.
"You go to the office and it's like, 'Hey, I need you to get to New York. You're probably going to need to be there for three days and meet with these people,'" she explained. "And you look at your calendar, where you had dinner with your friends scheduled and all these things you were doing for yourself, and you put them on the back burner to do work. We keep giving up our own self."
There's a lack of fulfillment that comes with this constant sacrifice.
Check Engine Lights in Relationships
While work is a major source of burnout signals, family is another huge area where these check engine lights show up.
Laura Jane spoke about her own experience with one of her children who struggled with ADHD. She found herself constantly covering for him, supporting him, fielding calls from school. You're always on, always managing, always putting your own needs aside for your child's needs.
"We sacrifice for our kids, and there's joy and fulfillment in it," she said. "But when you lose that sense of self, that's when those check engine lights start going off."
The key is finding that balance, or as Laura Jane prefers to say, integration. It's not about separating your work life and your personal life. It's about integrating them in a way that allows you to still be you.
The Coffee Cup Parable
Laura Jane shared a powerful story that really illustrates a good point. She talked about picking up a cup of coffee at a coffee shop, turning around to walk out, and having someone bump into you, causing the coffee to spill.
"Whose fault is it?" she asked.
"Yours! YOU had the coffee. If you'd had water, water would've spilled. If you'd had nothing, nothing would've spilled."
The point is, when we get triggered, what's inside of us is what comes out. If you're angry, there's anger inside. If there's frustration, there's frustration inside. If there's forgiveness, there's forgiveness inside.
She emphasized that her internal state can change on a daily basis. One day, something might trigger frustration. Other days, the exact same thing is no big deal. The key is paying attention to what comes out of you, because that's the biggest check engine light we can have.
Silencing the Inner Bully
One of Laura Jane's core messages is about silencing what she calls the "inner bully." These are the bully voices in our heads that we've internalized from others' comments and criticism.
Someone told you "you're too loud" or "you're too wiggly" or "you're too much" of something. That person said it one time. But how many times have you replayed it in your head since?
"I played it over and over," Laura Jane confessed. "I became the bully. They were just being weird in the moment, but I took it like gospel. This is the truth. I must follow this. I am bad."
The challenge is that many of us don't love ourselves the way we should. We've been carrying around these internalized critical voices for years, decades even.
Laura Jane referenced Abraham Hicks and the saying "You cannot love anybody if you don't love yourself." But Abraham put it a different way that resonated with her: "You cannot expect others to love you if you don't love yourself."
This realization came to Laura Jane when she was frustrated with her husband about not feeling unconditionally loved. She was putting on weight, not looking like the person he married, and felt he should love her anyway. But then she thought, "If I hate it, why should I think he should love it?"
"That's when the light came on," she said. "I need to love myself, and how do I find that person? Because all my life I've been told by somebody, you're too loud, you're too much of something."
Changing One Word Can Transform Your Life
One of the most practical tools Laura Jane shared is the power of changing your words. Specifically, she talks about shifting from "unfortunately" to "fortunately" and from "I have to" to "I get to."
Instead of saying "Unfortunately, I got in a car wreck," she now says, "Fortunately, I got in a car wreck and I survived. What was the good that came out of it?"
When it comes to your daily obligations, shift your language. Instead of "I have to go to work," say "I get to go to work because it gives me the income to house my family, feed my family, do the things I want to do."
This isn't just positive thinking or toxic positivity. It's about recognizing the genuine benefits and gifts in your life, even in situations that initially feel negative or burdensome.
The Power of a Gratitude Journal
When I asked Laura Jane what baby steps someone could take to start addressing burnout, her first suggestion was a gratitude journal.
"When you're in that moment of 'I don't want to do this,' start focusing on the good that comes from it," she advised. "I don't want to go to work. Why don't I want to go to work? Okay, now why do I want to go?"
By listing out the reasons you do want to go, by identifying the gratitude portion, it can be such a breath of fresh air. Even if something doesn't feel positive in your gratitude journal, you have the option to change how you write about it.
I shared a related insight from something I'd read about long-term relationships, when you're past the honeymoon phase. Once real life starts setting in we tend to notice our partner’s quirks and the things that irritate us about their behaviors. In this phase, if you intentionally focus and think about what you love about the other person instead of what drives you nuts, you can actually change the entire dynamic. It changes your perception. The person hasn't changed, but the way you're relating to them has.
Finding Gratitude in Irritation
Laura Jane told me a story that perfectly illustrated this point. For 30 years, she was constantly annoyed that her husband would take out the garbage but not put in a new garbage bag. She would get irritated and shake the bag really hard so he knew she was upset.
But then she had an epiphany. She'd never had to ask him to take out the garbage. She'd never had a garbage can overflowing because he was very conscious and aware. So why was she angry about him not completing the task the exact way she thought it should be done?
"About six years ago, I wondered, 'Who in the world made up the rule that if you take out the garbage, you have to put a new bag in? Why did I have that expectation?'" she recalled. "I said to myself, 'From now on, I'm choosing. This is my job. I'm not going to ask him to do anything else. So why am I being angry?'"
Now they laugh about it. When she hasn't yet put in a garbage sack, they start giggling because it's become their inside joke. By finding gratitude in what he does do, the thing that irritates her became unimportant.
Why We're Hardwired to Look for Problems
Laura Jane and I discussed why it's so easy to focus on what's wrong instead of what's right. We're hardwired that way. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, to look for danger, to identify the saber-tooth tiger.
But the problems we're looking for today aren't really safety issues. They're expectations we've created, standards we've set, and irritations we've chosen to focus on.
Understanding this doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does help us be gentler with ourselves when we catch ourselves spiraling into criticism and complaint.
Prioritize Self-Care When You're Overwhelmed
One of the questions I had for Laura Jane was how to prioritize self-care when you feel like you don't even have time for it. Her answer was nuanced and practical.
She emphasized that every one of us is different. Some of us are electric cars, some are diesel cars, some need regular fuel, some need premium, and some are bikes that we pedal. We all fill up differently.
So the key is paying attention to what actually lifts you up. Laura Jane suggested keeping a daily reflection journal where you ask yourself, "What fed me today? What drained me today?" And when you're making a commitment to something, ask yourself, "Is this going to fuel me or run me out of gas?"
As you start identifying those things through reflection, you can make better choices and start avoiding the things that drain you.
Knowing Your Limits & Speaking Your Truth
Laura Jane shared that she knows she can't go into a room of more than 15 people and feel confident. She feels shadowed. So she tries to avoid those situations. Of course, you can't always avoid things, but then she knows she needs to do extra mental work walking into it.
The bigger point she made is about exploring what drains you and then speaking your truth about it. She had a boss that she literally hated. The woman drove her nuts. One day Laura Jane sat down with her and said, "You and I do not get along. These are the things that drive me nuts, so I need to be transferred to another place."
Do you know what happened? The very next day, and for the next two years working for her, Laura Jane loved her.
"That one thing changed the way we both thought about each other," she explained. "Sometimes when you just speak up, share your truth, your perspective will change."
Finding Gratitude in Life's Rainy Days
I asked Laura Jane how weather affects our emotions. She had written about this on her website, and I'd just experienced it myself. After two gorgeous, warm, sunny days followed by two gloomy, cloudy days, I found myself in a funk.
Laura Jane helped me reframe this. Instead of thinking, "Why am I crazy today?" when it's stormy and blustery, she suggests looking at all the benefits the weather provides for the earth.
"If you only had sunny days, we would be a desert," she said. "I'm not really into desert landscaping, so I want to appreciate my rainy days. I want to appreciate my blustery snow days, three feet deep, where you just get to stay inside by the fireplace and drink coffee."
The point is that rainy days are necessary. They're part of a natural cycle. The water comes back to the earth, and that's what gives us growth and progress and the ability to flourish.
"I don't want to be a desert," she said. "I want to appreciate my rainy days and my blustery days and know that I'm going through it and that it's okay."
This applies to our lives too. We think we have to be perfect all the time. We see everybody else's highlight reels and focus on our blooper reels. But it's okay to focus on your highlight reels. What went well today? Oh, it rained, I got this and this and this. Gratitude is the secret key.
You Are Important
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Laura Jane if there was anything else she wanted to share. Her answer was simple but profound.
"The most important thing is that you are important," she said. "You have a mission, and where you're at right now is okay. We're in the perfect spot. We're in the perfect moment. You can choose to change at any moment."
She also emphasized that when you're kind to yourself, it's so much easier to spill out kindness to others. When we silence the inner bully and become our own best friend, we have so much more to give to the world.
Final Takeaways
Talking with Laura Jane reminded me of something we all need to hear: you are worth paying attention to. Your check engine lights matter. Your body's signals matter. Your emotional and mental wellbeing matter.
We spend so much of our lives ignoring our own needs in service of our careers, our families, and our obligations. But what if we started treating ourselves with the same care and attention we give to everyone else?
What if we listened to our check engine lights before they became a crisis?
I think that's what the world needs more of. And I think Laura Jane is doing beautiful work helping women recognize that they're not just enough, but they're important. Their missions matter. And it's not selfish to take care of yourself. It's essential.
Meet Our Guest: Laura Jane Layton
Laura Jane Layton is the driving force behind The Laura Jane Layton Show, a podcast designed to support women in corporate leadership as they navigate the challenges of career demands, self-doubt, and burnout. With a deep understanding of the pressures that come with high-achieving roles, Laura creates a space where listeners feel seen, understood, and empowered to silence their inner bully.
Connect with Laura Jane:
Meet Our Host: Jennifer Robin O’Keefe
Jennifer Robin serves as a relatable, down-to-earth, REAL Wellness & Success Coach. She’s not a fancy, perfect makeup, airbrushed kind of woman. She’s been told many times, in a variety of environments, that she’s easy to talk to, and makes others feel welcome and comfortable. Her mission in life is both simple and profound: to make others feel worthy.
Professionally, Jennifer holds several wellness certifications including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping, Thought Field Therapy (TFT) Tapping, Reiki, and more. She continuously expands her knowledge in the fields of Qi Gong, Xien Gong, Vibration/Energy Wellness and Natural Health. She also studied extensively with Jack Canfield, and serves as a Certified Canfield Trainer, authorized to teach "The Success Principles."
She’s an active reader and researcher who loves to learn, and one of her biggest joys is teaching and sharing what she’s discovered with others.
