Rewriting Your Story: Discovering Purpose and Letting Go of What Holds You Back with Heather Melville
Episode 15: Show Notes
Sometimes the most transformative conversations happen when someone has the courage to completely change their life's direction.
Today I had the pleasure of speaking with Heather Melville, a certified relationship coach who made a dramatic career transition from electrical engineering to helping others heal from toxic relationships. Her story is one of courage, authenticity, and the pursuit of a life aligned with her true values.
📖 Download the Extended Show Notes & Transcript of the Om WOW Podcast Episode #15 here (PDF)
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Breaking Free from the Corporate Cage
Heather's journey began in an unexpected place, filled with panic attacks during her electrical engineering degree. Even as a student, she knew something wasn't right. "I started having panic attacks knowing that that's not what I wanted to do," she shared. "Don't get me wrong, I love math. I love solving problems, but the idea of sitting at a desk all day and just focusing on things I don't care about, analog signals, digital boards, you know, like all that. I was just overwhelmed."
Despite these warning signs, Heather felt trapped by debt and societal expectations. She spent five years working as a contractor for the Department of Defense, a job she "absolutely hated." The corporate environment stifled her authentic self, requiring security clearances that prevented her from expressing her personality and forcing her to navigate office politics that went against her values.
The final push came during COVID when her employer demanded she return to an office setting indefinitely with no meaningful work to do. "They kind of gave me an option - either you do that, find another remote position within our company, or we cut ties. And I was like, 'Well, is this the universe saying I need to go?'"
Discovering Her Authentic Path
What strikes me most about Heather's story is how she identified her natural gifts and found a way to monetize them. She realized that strangers consistently felt comfortable sharing their life stories with her. "I love to listen even though I'm sitting here chitchatting and talking the whole time. But I do love to listen to people and a special innate skill I would say I have is random strangers, anybody I meet would come to me and tell me their life story."
This natural ability to create safe spaces for vulnerability became the foundation of her coaching practice. But her journey to relationship coaching wasn't immediate. She initially considered becoming a financial coach after successfully paying off $67,000 of debt and saving $25,000 in just two and a half years. However, she realized her financial success came more from understanding the value of time and money rather than technical financial expertise.
Toxic Relationship Recovery: Understanding the Cycle
Heather's expertise in toxic relationship recovery comes from lived experience. She spent eight years in an abusive relationship that began when she was young and naive. "It was my first relationship and I had low self-esteem, so it really attracted the perfect type of person to take advantage," she explained.
The relationship included physical, mental, and emotional abuse, but like many people in toxic situations, Heather didn't recognize it as such at the time. Her ex-partner was a military veteran with PTSD, and she used his trauma as an excuse for his behavior. "Now, don't get me wrong, he definitely struggled, but that wasn't my responsibility. And it took me a long time to realize that it's not my responsibility to heal him, and it's not anybody else's responsibility for anybody else."
One of the most powerful insights Heather shared was about the shame that accompanies toxic relationships. People often ask, "Well, why did you stay if it was so bad?" But as she explains, there's much more complexity involved. "We all have this fear of being alone. We all wanna be loved. And sometimes instead of settling for love, we'll settle for connection, you know? Instead of getting love, we'll settle for connection and that connection can be negative."
The Moment of Clarity: When Everything Changed
The turning point came during a hiking trip in Flagstaff while she was still in the toxic relationship. She had an epiphany about the future: "If we had kids and he still acted this way, how would I be able to teach them that this treatment is not okay for them, but it's okay for me?"
This realization struck at the core of breaking generational patterns. "This toxic relationship doesn't just affect the people in it, the people around it, but if they have kids that gets passed on. Then we just go down this rabbit hole of having all of these toxic, narcissistic relationships."
Creating Freedom Through Intentional Living
What I find inspiring about Heather's current lifestyle is how intentionally she's designed it to support her values and goals. She and her fiancé live in a custom-built RV, which has dramatically reduced their living expenses and given them the freedom to travel. They've been living in their bus for almost two years, equipped with solar panels for free energy and Starlink internet to support her online coaching business.
This lifestyle choice wasn't just about adventure, it was strategic. By reducing their overhead, Heather gained the financial cushion necessary to build her coaching practice without the pressure of immediately replacing her engineering salary. "I don't think I'd be able to do this if I didn't have the financial cushion, right? Because then I'm coming from a place of scarcity."
Building an International Practice
One of the most interesting aspects of Heather's business is her international client base. She works with people in Germany, Denmark, and New Zealand, showcasing how online coaching can transcend geographical boundaries. Her clients find her primarily through referrals and networking, particularly through a women's networking group called Powerful Women Rising.
She hosts monthly webinars focused on relationships and healing from toxic relationships, which help her build her email list and connect with people who resonate with her message. The key, she emphasizes, is finding "the right people who wanna hear your message from the way you wanna say it."
The European Adventure & Building Confidence
Heather's time in Germany as an electrical engineering intern was transformative, not just professionally but personally. Living alone in a foreign country for six months taught her crucial lessons about her own capabilities. "When you travel alone, when you get off that flight, you get off that train. There's nobody there to say, 'Oh, this is how we get to our hotel, our hostel, whatever.' So it's all on you."
This experience began lifting the "fog" of her toxic relationship. She started seeing more clearly how her partner's behavior was unacceptable, especially when he sent her a text saying "Good luck with your low self-esteem" right before an important career opportunity. The distance and independence helped her realize she was capable of more than she had believed.
Healthy Relationship Practices
Now engaged to a man from Morocco, Heather has experienced what healthy love actually feels like. One practice they've maintained for five years particularly caught my attention. At the end of each month, they have a formal dinner date where she gets "super fancy" and they create a romantic evening together, often cooking at home rather than going out.
"It's just like a romantic time for us to just remember what we look like all fancy. Sometimes we use it as like, 'Hey, let's touch in with our relationship. Hey, I freaked out a couple weeks ago and this is why this is what I need.'"
This monthly ritual serves multiple purposes: maintaining romance, checking in on their relationship, and creating consistent quality time together. It's a practical example of how healthy relationships require intentional effort and communication.
About Toxic Relationship Recovery Coaching
Heather's ideal clients are people who have experienced relationships where they "didn't feel yourself." This includes those who have experienced physical, mental, or emotional abuse, gaslighting, or having their feelings invalidated. The common thread among her clients is feeling shame about what they endured and struggling to explain their experience to people who don't understand.
"A lot of my clients felt it too, feeling shameful that, you know, what you went through was not good, but you still went through it. And then trying to talk to people who don't understand what it feels like. They're just sitting there saying, 'Well, why did you stay if it was so bad?' Well, there's a lot more to it of staying."
Practical Career Change Advice: Taking the First Steps
For anyone contemplating a major career change, Heather offers practical, grounded advice. The first step is awareness: understanding specifically what you don't like about your current situation. Is it the daily tasks, the people, the location, the company culture, or the type of work itself?
She emphasizes the importance of identifying your existing skills and interests. "What are the skills I have and what do I like to do? And that's where I realized I like to give presentations. I like to present, I like to teach people, I like to talk."
The crucial element is financial preparation. You don't need "a hundred Gs in the bank," but you do need to reduce your expenses and understand your true cost of living. This financial cushion prevents the desperation that can undermine your efforts to build something new.
The Power of Multiple Income Streams
Heather doesn't rely solely on coaching. She also runs an e-commerce side business and emphasizes the lesson COVID taught us: "don't rely solely on one income, one source of income. 'Cause that source can go away quick."
You don't have to make a complete career switch immediately. Starting with side projects while maintaining your main income can be a safer approach to testing new directions.
Redefining Success: Money as an Amplifier
One of Heather's most insightful perspectives concerns money and happiness. She rejects the common saying that "money doesn't bring you happiness," instead viewing money as an amplifier. "If you're an unhappy person and you get money, you're still gonna be unhappy. So I'm just a happy person and when the money starts coming in, I'm gonna be even more happy."
She also shared a powerful reframe about time and money: "Time is valuable. It's the only thing we have to give and it's the only account that we don't know the balance of." When you're trading your time for money, every purchase represents a trade of your precious time.
Looking Ahead: The Vision for Global Impact
Heather's five-year goal involves speaking to larger audiences about finding joy and empowerment. With her background in theater (her first degree was in theater before engineering), she has the foundation for public speaking, though she admits she struggled with acting because she "can't be anything other than myself."
This authenticity, which made acting difficult, is exactly what makes her coaching so powerful. Her ability to remain genuinely herself while helping others do the same creates the safe space her clients need for healing.
Words to Live By: The Power of Personal Change
When I asked about her favorite motivational quote, Heather shared wisdom from Dr. Wayne Dyer: "Don't underestimate your power to change yourself and don't overestimate your power to change others."
This philosophy underlies everything she teaches about relationships. The only person you can truly change is yourself, but when you do that work authentically, you naturally influence others and attract healthier connections.
Her story demonstrates that sometimes the most circuitous path leads to exactly where you need to be. Most importantly, her journey reminds us that it's never too late to change course when your current path isn't serving you. Sometimes the universe does give us that push we need, whether it's a job elimination, a toxic relationship reaching a breaking point, or simply the growing awareness that we deserve better. The key is having the courage to listen and take action, even when the path forward isn't completely clear.
Our Guest: Heather Melville
Today on the show we have Heather Melville, a certified Relationship Coach who specializes in Toxic Relationship Recovery. She transitioned out of a career as an Electrical Engineer once she realized she loves to help people, talk to people, and share her experiences for the good of others. She’s into spirituality, nature, fitness, consciousness, and travel.
Connect With Heather:
Meet Our Host: Jennifer Robin O’Keefe
Jennifer Robin serves as a relatable, down-to-earth, REAL Wellness & Success Coach. She’s not a fancy, perfect makeup, airbrushed kind of woman. She’s been told many times, in a variety of environments, that she’s easy to talk to, and makes others feel welcome and comfortable. Her mission in life is both simple and profound: to make others feel worthy.
Professionally, Jennifer holds several wellness certifications including Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping, Thought Field Therapy (TFT) Tapping, Reiki, and more. She continuously expands her knowledge in the fields of Qi Gong, Xien Gong, Vibration/Energy Wellness and Natural Health. She also studied extensively with Jack Canfield, and serves as a Certified Canfield Trainer, authorized to teach "The Success Principles."
She’s an active reader and researcher who loves to learn, and one of her biggest joys is teaching and sharing what she’s discovered with others.
